Non Palpable Mate
by ThomE.Gemcity-06
Summary: Sequel to: NON REALIZED DRIVE. After Mitchell comes to spend his medical leave on Quatonia, his and Nick's relationship developes into something unexpected. Part 6. Includes: Slash NickMOC/Cam Mitchell
1. Prologue

**a/n: **_Sequel to: __NON REALIZED DRIVE__. THIS IS THE 6TH INSTALLMENT TO THE /NON/ SERIES. IT HAD BEEN A WHILE, SO I SUGGEST YOU BRUSH-UP ON (NON-EXISTENT WISH, NON-WISHABLE ACTIONS, NON-NEGOTIABLE ROYAL, NON-REVERSABLE EFFECTS, AND NON-REALIZED DRIVE)_

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**_**  
**_**PROLOGUE **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I had learned long ago that it takes more than just a single moment of content-ness to complete oneself. That in order for one to be complete, one had to have that one thing that they lived for, and would die _for_ or _without._ That was something that I didn't have and was yet to find.

If I was a quitter before, than I wasn't going to be now. All my life I had been fine with those few and far moments when I felt no worry or fear, just safeness and satisfaction. But that overwhelming-ness was coming at me again, the blackness creeping up behind me when I wasn't paying attention.

But I wasn't going to let it win this time, not if I had anything to say about it.

**USAF Officer Lieutenant Nick P. Summers,  
and King of the Quatonians**

**y**


	2. Chapter 1

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**_**  
**_**CH1 **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A shiver traveled through me just below my skin, and goose bumps decorated my exposed flesh. I reached out to try and find some source of warmth. My grasp came back empty. I felt a something sad stab at me with this realization, but I was too sleepy to figure out what its meaning was. Instead, I rolled and found a patch of pillows that was warmed by the sun's rays streaming through my open window.

"Ooh..." I couldn't help the murmur of pleasure that escaped my lips as I soaked in it, splaying out. Someone knocked on my door. "Damn." I muttered, blinking my eyes open. "Come in!" I called.

My old door creaked as it was pushed open, and I craned my neck to see who it was. It was Rook, who came in carrying a tray, the dishes atop it rattling.

"Good Morning, m'Lord." He bowed his head before he set the tray on the small round table at the other side of my room.

I pulled myself up to my feet, my bones cracking as I stretched fully. "And to you as well," I replied as I put on my discarded nightshirt and sat at the table, taking up a bit of the crispy dough with spread and popping it in my mouth.

Rook acted as my assistant; he got me up in the morning, reminded me of my days schedule. It was nearing a year now, that I stayed on Quatonia, and no longer needed Erin twenty-four-seven. Rook was in her place now, going with me everywhere- Like Lissa, but in a different capacity. Rook was in his early twenties, and so tall that I almost felt like a child standing next to an adult, he had a shaved head, his hair the colour of auburn, his eyes the hue of oak. His tearaway uniform was brown, but had shades of red on the collar to show that he was in my personal service.

When he transformed, he appeared as a Golden Lion Tamarin monkey; he's mated with another man in my service, Jarren, was a Black Howler monkey.

I looked up at Rook, who was standing patiently on the other side of the table. "How's Jarren doing?"

"He's doing really well, sire. Thank you for asking." Rook replied respectfully, but the smile on his lips lit him up. "He's more excited than both of us put together."

I nodded, a smile on my own lips. "I'm happy for you two." I nodded. "Any idea when he's due?"

"Midway through the season, sire. Hopefully in time for the _Itre."_ He replied.

I nodded. Rook and Jarren had been trying to pregnant for half the time that I had spent here, and now the due date was closing in. It would be excellent time if Jarren gave birth around the same time as the _Itre_, a big, yearly ceremony for the town to celebrate all that had gone on that year; like announcing the birth of new Quatonians and holding a naming ceremony; before welcoming the new year.

"So, tell me what's up with today." I said, turning back to my breakfast.

Rook nodded, and started to tell me of today's activities. "You have a meeting with Lady Erin to go over the schedule for the _Itre_. And Laren's daughter, Pipa, is coming of age today and will have a visit from the _Messmngeers _and complete her transition into adulthood; you're to be present for that, along with all of her relations." I nodded; I had to admit that I was way busier here than I was at the SGC. "And Colonel Mitchell from Earth is coming for a visit this morning as well."

"Thank you, Rook. You can go now," I told him with a nod.

He brushed crossed fingers across his mark, located on his right shoulder under his uniform, before he left my room, closing the door behind him as I was sure that he was going to see Jarren. I turned back to my tasty breakfast.

I had almost forgotten that Mitchell was coming, and I say just Mitchell because the rest of SG-1 wasn't coming. Almost a week before today, I got a message from the SGC that SG-1 had been ambushed by the Ori, they had been hit. Mitchell got the worst of it, while others' were minimal. Mitchell had been put on medical leave, and had requested that he stay here for that duration of time- the reason still eluded me. Because of this, the rest of SG-1 was getting some break time. Teal'c requested to go off world and visit with Bra'tac and Ry'ac, Carter had work to do down at Area 51, and Daniel would have visited as well if it weren't for the fact that he was buried glasses-high in script needing translations.

I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling, wondering what it was going to be like entertaining a commanding officer until his recovery. And, was he still my commanding officer? I mean... ever since I chose Quatonia instead of Earth, does that still mean that I'm American, and a Military officer? I wasn't _born_ on Earth, or in America. Erin had shown me the proof that I was born here libraries of archives of the Quatonian history. Joshua had lied when we had first met and I had thought him a innocent squire, and he had told me that Quatonian blood was in my ancestry, when in fact I was a full-blown Quatonian and was of the Royal bloodline- something that would have put a wrench in Joshua's greedy plans.

I shook my head, all this family genes and pyramid talk was giving me a headache. Having a visit from Mitchell, injured or not, would be good for me. Someone I could talk freely with, and someone I knew for more than a year.

Mitchell had been good to me, thus far, and I wanted to return the favour. It wouldn't get awkward, I swore, us only having spent two moments alone with each other: the first, when he hadn't explained something properly about Daniel, and I had a total meltdown; and the second, when I was hopped up on pain killers and stripped naked in front of him- like I have with almost everyone I knew.

So I prayed, to Quatonian and Earth Gods alike that this would be nothing like those events. I had an image to uphold here, after all.

y


	3. Chapter 2

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**_**  
**_**CH2 **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was later in the day and I had already spent five hours with Erin going over the _Itre_, and there was still many more meetings like it before the end of the season. So it was nearing high-noon and Pipa's _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe_ was would be happening soon- the exact time of her birth into this world, sixteen years later. Males had their _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe_ at the age of eighteen. I had already donned the _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe_ robes; Like all of my other uniforms, these robes were deep royal red, and it was covered in every mark that ever existed within Quatonian history, all made of gold. The tiger mark was the most prominent of all of them, my family's heritage. And the _Piritsalistu _would be present as well.

At the reminder of the older man, I wanted to rub my mark on my neck, but I was fearful as to what would happen. In preparation for _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe_, the _Piritsalistu _had done something to my mark. He had spread a goopy mess of herbs on my mark and chanted a few word before he trailed his finger, covered on the mess, from my neck and up my cheek until he reach the center of my forehead, before moving them in a circular manner. He took his hand away, and almost like when I had first gotten my mark, it burned across my skin as the mark travelled from my neck and to the center of my forehead where it stayed. He cleaned away the mess, and I was left open-mouthed as I looked at me reflection in a mirror. I had no idea how something like that could even be possible, but there it was; in plain view at the center of my forehead. Something that I wasn't sure I'd ever get used to.

And to complete my outfit for all sacred ceremonies, was the crown. Like every crown that I had ever seen- not in person, but on television- it was golden. When I had first put in, it felt awkward and didn't fit right, but then, all of a sudden, it was like it moulded to me head. It extended down over my forehead, and at the center of the piece over my forehead, was a hole right where my mark was to show it off. On either side of the open were two shapes carved into it were tiger eyes, and in the center was one green gem and one brown gem to match my own. Above my ears, the crown extended upward to a rounded point, in the shape of ears. And of course, the rest of it was decorated in several gems of different colours: white, black, amber and tawny.

I wasn't wearing that now, as I waited for Mitchell to be beamed to the platform- this one was not it the high tower, but located on the ground- because I could not get the tone of disgust that was in his voice when SG-1 had first visited, and asked of they had to call him King as well out of my head. I didn't want that, so I made a point of never letting myself ever get on that high, superior horse. I didn't want to be _that_, I didn't want to be _Joshua._

I smoothed my raised fur, and tried to shake off my own disgust at the thought of ever being held in the same light as Joshua as the stone room was bathed in orange light, and Mitchell was beamed in with a few bags.

I wasn't sure who looked more shocked; him or myself.

I hadn't seen anyone from Earth for almost half a year, so I guessed that I looked rather different, and the same went for Mitchell- especially with his injured condition. When I had had my last communication with SCG and had learned that Mitchell was injured and had been stuck in the infirmary for a week, I knew that he had to have been hurt pretty bad. But then when I had been informed that he was put on medical leave and had permission to make his recovery here, I knew that it was worse than I thought. As, after another week on Earth, he was finally allowed to do 'gate travel.

Clad in a dark green SCG jumpsuit, Mitchell leaned heavily on a pair of crutches. Right away I could see the obvious signs of injury: a head wound at his hair line, the fact that he was missing a boot and his bare foot was wrapped up tightly though I wasn't sure how high up the injury went, and what lay underneath was a currently mystery to me but one I was sure that I was going to find out soon enough, if the pain that lay beneath his knitted brows was anything to go by, accompanied with his shift.

He was the one that spoke first.

"Tell me I don't have to go down a million stairs, Summers." Mitchell drawled.

I shook my head. "That's the first thing you have to say?" I asked.

It looked like he went to shrug and then thought better of it. "Nice clothes," he drawled.

I glanced down at myself, before I looked back up and crossed my arms and glowered back. "Thank you," I told him, straightening my expression. "I'm attending a _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe _ceremony this afternoon." I informed him, a proud-ness in my voice.

Mitchell furrowed him brows. "A whatinhooten?" he said.

"A _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe."_ I repeated more slower. "It's a coming of age ceremony," I informed him. "A girl, Pipa, is turning sixteen this afternoon and that is when she will complete her transition into a full Quatonian."

"Shape shift, you mean." He said.

"Yes," I nodded. "And no, you don't have to go down a million stairs." I opened the door behind me and made a gesture for him to go on. His brow flickered and he glanced down at him stuff. "I've got those," I told him.

He raised a brow as I gathered his bags. "You don't have people for that?"

I glanced at him before I turned to the door. "Just because I have the power, doesn't mean that I utilize it every second I'm awake, you know." I informed him blandly, walking out the door and into a hallway. I could hear the click of the crutches on the floor as he followed.

I let him to a room that was on the ground floor, fully furnished and equipped with a bathroom. But we weren't alone, waiting there was a man in his twenties, dressed in the same uniform as Rook, except Kenjin had a white ring that was around the cuff of his sleeve, indicating that he had medical training. Kenjin had long, dark brown-black hair that was braided tightly behind his head, his eyes almost the same colour. He gave me the respectful gesture; brushing his crossed fingers across his mark that was located at the nape of his neck, before he quickly grabbed the bags from me. When he transformed, he turned into a flying fox, a big fruit bat that has a fox-like shaped face-he was strictly fruitarian.

I pulled the chair our from the table, and Mitchell was quick to sit down, glad to be off his feet.

"This is Kenjin," I told Mitchell, gesturing to the other man who nodded his head. "He'll be here if you need anything, just call. Ken has medical training as well, so tell him if there's any problems." I glanced over my shoulder and Rook appeared in the doorway like a sudden mist.

"You leavin'?" Mitchell asked.

I nodded to him, half my attention on Rook as the Quatonian held the last piece of my ensemble; the headpiece. I took it from him with some hesitance and settle the cold, hard material onto my head.

"You have a crown now?" Mitchell scoffed as he looked me up and down.

I turned back to him, catching the shocked looks on Rook and Kenjin's faces at the fact that Mitchell was acting so rude to their king, but they said nothing; and for that, I was glad. But I was getting sick of Mitchell's tone real quick. He was a guest in my home! I wanted to snap at him- the tiger in me wanting to roar- demand why he even wanted to be here if he was going to be so inconsiderate; but I jammed that anger down and calmed myself.

"It's for our Rituals," I explained, pretty calmly despite what I felt on the inside. He had odd look on his face as he looked at me. "I have to go," I informed him. "If you want to stretch your legs, Kenjin will show you around." I looked to the other Quatonian. "He's to go anywhere he likes, Kenjin."

Kenjin nodded. "Yes, sire." his fingers brushed his mark in farewell as I turned and left, Rook following after me.

I had Pipa's _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe_ to attend to.

y


	4. Chapter 3

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**_**  
**_**CH3 **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

My eyes still shone with wonder even after _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe_ past. This was the first time that I had ever seen the transformation and it was a beautiful and wondrous thing. Besides myself, the _Piritsalistu_, Laren and Pipa herself, the only other family there had been Nugget, Pipa's grandfather on her dad's side. Her father died several years ago under Joshua's rule.

For private ceremonies such as _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe_, there was a special building. Pipa stripped of her clothing, and the _Piritsalistu _had painted her entire body with an intricate pattern as she lay in the center, his other worldly chanting commanding the air in the room. Her transformation was slow, and as long as her mother had been labour. For everyone's sake, especially Laren's, the transformation took six hours. But the end result, it would stay with me forever.

Pipa's mother was a zebra, and her father had been a giraffe. So it seemed to fit that she was a mixture of the two. A okapi. An animal that looked like a cross between a giraffe and zebra. And she stayed that way for another six hours before she turned human again. Her mark was located on her right shoulder blade; a zebra and giraffe entwined.

I was exhausted. When I got back to the castle, and to the bath, I stripped off my robe and crown and Rook took them away. This bathroom was amazing, the tub was stone and built into the floor, and it was as big as the bathroom in the apartment that I had before I moved into the SGC, it was bigger and better than a hot tub.

I sank down into the hot water, groaning with pleasure as the hotness loosened my knotted muscles. I shifted until I was comfortable and leaned back, my arms resting along the edge. I sunk down lower until the water reached my armpits and my head rested against the edge. For completion, I closed my eyes, and silently promised that in half an hour I would be out and visit with Mitchell.

"Summers!"

"Ah!" I was startled to wakefulness, flailing in depths of the water in panic for a minute when I didn't find solid footing right away. Finally, I got my feet under me. I panted, trying to calm my panicked heart as long since cold water cascaded down my skin. I blinked water from my blurry eyes, and came to sight of crutched-Mitchell looking awkward. I was confused. I didn't remember going to visit Mitchell. "Colonel, what-?"

Mitchell cleared his throat, looking everywhere but a me as he made a hand gesture that enveloped me. Confused, I looked down and my eyes widened. I was completely naked. I was quick to cover my exposed area with my hands as I plunked back down into the cover of water. I felt heat bloom under my cold, wet skin, as I looked back at Mitchell in embarrassment. This sorta thing hadn't happened to me in the year that I've been here, but the second that Mitchell comes alone, he gets another eyeful.

I gave an embarrassed laugh. "Could you, uh... hand me the robe over there, please?" I asked him, pointing.

"Uh, yeah. Yep," Mitchell quickly hobbled over and handed it to me, and turned away.

I took it. And in a swift movement, I was out of the bath and had the bathrobe around me. I closed it tight around myself, feeling considerably self-conscious; considering the fact that over this past year, I'd been naked in front of many other Quatonians and them in front of me. We were a proud race. I'm sure that more than half the people here would prefer if there wasn't uniforms at all-and sometimes I would agree with them. For us, clothes were confining, like a straightjacket almost to Quatonians. Hm, it was something to think about.

I shook my head again, now was not the time.

"What-what are you doing here, Colonel?" I asked. I was still confused and a little light-headed, and sick.

Mitchell finally turned back to me. "Could you not call me Colonel while I'm here?" he said.

"Uh, sure. What do you want me to call you then?"

"Cam's fine." he told me.

"Okay, Cam it is." I nodded. "Then you can call me Nick."

He exhaled at that and nodded, and it seemed that he relaxed a fraction since he arrived. "Is there some place we can talk?" he shifted his weight on his good leg.

"Sure," I led the way from my bathroom and I was sure that I was leaving a trail of wet footsteps behind as Cam followed. I glanced over at him. "Where's Kenjin?"

Cam shrugged his head. "I gave him a break while I took a nap."

"You're not taking a nap now," I pointed out.

"That obvious, is it?"

I scoffed. "A little." I said dryly.

"Hm." he smiled.

"Here." I stopped and held the door open. Cam went in first, and I followed, closing the door behind me. This room was a boardroom and my office of sorts. It was purely business in here, and this seemed like business to me.

There was a desk. A table that sat ten people. There were potted plants. A bookshelf that held the history of my family, a couch that sat against the wall. It was neat and there was no clutter.

Cam was quick to the couch, and grunted as he settle down, happy to be off his feet. He set his crutches aside. I took a seat at the table and turned the chair to face him, crossing my legs to make sure that I was fully covered.

"What did you want to talk about?" I glanced out the window that was close to the couch; the sky was darkening and the stars and moons were coming out. It was later than I thought. I must've fallen asleep for at least two hours before Cam found me. It didn't feel like I had that long of a nap. I was light-headed and it was weird because I hadn't felt that way before I went to my bath. I was just glad to sit down and happy that the room wasn't spinning.

Cam didn't answer right away, and I just figured that he was trying to find the right way to say it, but he was giving me a funny look. I was feeling nervous under the blue stare, different from Daniel's and different from Carter's. I must of had something on my face, I hadn't looked at it since this morning. I tried to be natural about it and ran a hand through my hair-I never really got to wash before I fell asleep-and rubbed my eye with the palm of my hand, sweeping three quarters of my face. Later, I would learn that my mark had blazed a path back from my forehead and to my neck-it was the after affects that I was feeling.

"You feelin' alright?" he finally said.

I thought about telling him a lie and saying _I'm fine, why?_ But knew that would get us nowhere, he'd already figured me out.

"I'm a little light-headed." I admitted.

He nodded. "You look pale," he agreed.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, feeling weird under his concern. "You wanted to talk?"

"Oh, right!" he shook his head. "I'm-Sorry I've been a bastard to you ever since you came here. And I have no idea why." he admitted with shame.

I looked at him for a long moment as I thought about what he said, and was sure I knew the answer. I took a breath and licked my lips as I looked him right in the eye. "You think that I'm forgetting where I came from." I said bluntly, and he looked at me with surprise. "But what you need to understand, Cam, is that I grew up on Earth and I owe quite a lot to the SGC-because without them I never would have discovered who I truly was without the stargate. So while there will always be a place for that in me-here, on Quatonia, this is my home. This is where I was conceived, this was where my family was born. Here, I'm normal. Here, I'm respected..."

y


	5. Chapter 4

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**_**  
**_**CH4 **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I can't really say when it changed, but it had. The tension that had been there, was no longer-even under the guise of first-name basis. I couldn't pinpoint the cause either. Maybe it was no longer holding a title in the other's eyes. The consistent time together, or knowing the other's business. The small chats, the long chats, and the intimate ones. It could have been any of those or maybe it was neither.

All I knew for certain was that I held Cam in a different stance than I had before and I hoped that he felt the same with me. It was different from my all-goes friendship with Daniel, Teal'c's protective one with me, and the father-son feeling with Jack, my frenemy with Ryan, and my three-quarter professional one with Carter. This friendship I had with Cam had no definition, and I didn't want to ruin it by placing lips upon it-and so I didn't.

Time had grown closer and closer to the _Itre_ and I felt more at ease with the responsibility of it. Jarren's pregnancy was progressing healthily and fast and it seemed like Rook had been right in believing that their child or children would be born in time for a public naming ceremony.

Cam was becoming healthier as well. He no longer needed his crutches, though if he was on his feet too long, a limp would start. The blast from the Ori weapon caused a crispy, fleshy wound on his torso, but that was healing well also. With a recommendation from Kenjin and some convincing done by myself as well, Cam used the earthy herbs from Quatonian instead of the chemically created drugs from Earth, and no longer needed Kenjin at his side twenty-four-seven-To both men's relief.

Pipa was settling into her transformation naturally and it seemed that she was getting on rather well with a certain someone. Storm had his _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe_ almost two weeks after Pipa on his eighteenth birthday. He had taken after his father, a mouse deer. He was familiar to me, as he should have been. He was Pikard and Clifford's elder brother, from an earlier, single birth. But unlike his younger brothers, he was not in my personal escort. I was happy for them both, if not a little jealous of their connection.

But I found that it was better to brush the feeling aside as I did when my heart felt odd on some occasions when I woke up in the morning.

I was sure that I knew the ceremony backwards and forwards, but I knew that it would be different once I was in front of everyone. It always was. As I was sure I had told people, I wasn't to keen on being a leader-that I was more content with being a follower-though as you may have noticed I've settled pretty well into being King. Something that relieved me to no end. But I wasn't so sure that I could stand up in front of nearly five thousand Quatonians and not screw-up like I knew I was bound to. Ruling five-thousand+ was much simpler than addressing five-thousand, I was sure.

It seemed that before I could voice public speaking issues, the _Itre_ had already rolled to a stop at my feet and it was to late to do anything about it.

The _Itre_ was held in a huge open field that wasn't far from the town, it could hold everyone, and still have room for nearly double that. At the center was a large platform, where everyone could see and everyone could hear, no matter if they were at the front or the back. There was an area set up for a feast, ranging with all the foods for all the ages, the drinks were the same. There was a place for dance and music, a place to sit. There was everything.

The outfit that I was to wear was similar to the one that I wore for the _Ighrt_ _qof_ _Assagpe_. The crown was the same, and like with every ceremony, the _Piritsalistu _moved my mark to my forehead from my neck. The robes were more colourful than ceremonial.

It was early in the day and the _Itre_ wouldn't start a little later. And that morning, Jarren went into labour. It took three hours for him to give birth to a single babe. Rook was there in support, as was I. And Grey, the midwife, who helped birth the babe to make sure that there was no complications. He was an older man, older than me, but he still looked like he was in his twenties because of the Quatonian aging process. On his eighteenth birthday, he transformed into a Meerkat. Jarren's babe was beautiful and healthy, a single little girl that had his chocolate brown eyes. Her name was to be Aaliyah, and would be announced at the _Itre_.

_I_ would announce it.

I rubbed the center of my forehead, my mark, through the open space of the crown. I was gonna be whacked when it went back to its original place. I checked out my reflection in the mirror, making sure that nothing was out of place.

After a year, I was still thrown by how much clothes I owned. Before, when I was on Earth, it was a surprise if I had five or more outfits. I didn't even call them that because I don't think that random material could be considered an outfit. Before, I had always relied on my military uniforms. Now, I was like a woman with all the clothes that were in my possession. It was overwhelming.

Cam would be present at the _Itre_, as my special guest. And Erin would be with me.

I blinked.

Everyone who was able was at the _Itre_ and that was a lot. All the children who were able to walk, the adults that were healthy, elders, and even the _Piritsalistu _was there. They were all here, looking up at me on the platform as I addressed them.

I blinked.

The time to be formal was over. I had announced the birth and naming of Jarren and Rook's daughter- the two of them weren't present but nonetheless proud as they took care of their daughter. I announced Pipa and Storm's journey into adulthood, and as was ritual, they transformed in front of everyone and on the platform. And it was easy to tell their budding feelings for each other. And I addressed everything else that needed to be addressed, and then it was time for celebration.

I blinked.

A drink was in my hand and Cam was standing next to me, and we were laughing but I couldn't remember about what. But it didn't matter. I was sure the drink I had had alcohol in it, but that didn't matter either. So many good things had happened here, since I had been here, and I thought that deserved celebration.

And so I did.

And so we did.

y


	6. Chapter 5

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**_**  
**_**CH5 **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I groaned, my eyes squeezed tight. I was light headed, and my brain was throbbing. I knew that I would regret that drink. I put a hand over my eyes, trying to block out the light that seeped through my closed eyelids. The cool breeze that caressed my naked skin and ruffled the tips of my hair seemed to help and I sighed in relief, turning over to get more comfortable.

My arm wrapped around the long pillow next to me and I pulled it back against my chest, burying my nose in it. It smelled of soap, the outdoors, a little sweat and human. Not my scent, but I liked it anyway. I breathed deeply and suddenly my brain no longer had a live-in drummer. I relaxed, slowly drifting back into a light snooze.

My pillow shifted and grunted, moving in my arms. Slowly my eyes peeled open in confusion, my pillow shouldn't be moving. The first thing that I saw was chestnut brown, and it took me a moment to realize that this wasn't material, but hair. Slowly, I released the "pillow" and shifted away carefully, slowly.

I was quiet as I sat there looking at the pillow that wasn't a pillow, but was in fact a person. A male person. A male person who was laying there naked, with his back to me. Naked. I looked down at myself and discovered that I was naked as well. My mind worked furiously, and the first discovery was not the fact that it was a man, and someone was I yet to identify, but the fact that my head came to the obvious conclusion here.

_I_ had sex.

The word seemed to stamp itself on my brain, and it made me realize that my heartbeat was in my ass. I paled, feeling as if my whole body had been drained of blood. My heart and breath hitched as I stuffed a pillow under my ass with shaking hands, before I covered myself with another; not yet fully with the program.

I had made a promise-swore on everything that I knew that I would not have sex. And I was okay with that, I had made peace with it. It was something that I never really wanted in the first place, I had never been attracted to another person that way before-unless I was in heat, then I was attracted to anything that moved. And after that vision-thing with Joshua, it was never on my mind.

I paused, my brain already determining the month. I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe that I hadn't realized that it was that time of year. I had just been so busy with everything-the _Itre,_ Cam arriving-all of it. I just hadn't realized.

I put my hands over my face, my head bowed. I really wanted to cry but I knew that it would solve nothing. I wasn't a little boy anymore, I was a grown man, a King. I took several deeps breaths. I had to think about this rationally not like a teenage girl. One last breath and I look my hands away, raising my head and looked at the prone body.

It was easy to tell that it was a man; the short hair, and the hard muscles. His skin was tanned golden, with scattered freckles and old scars. I furrowed my brows and found myself leaning forward, peering closer. I wondered who this could be, which Quatonian. I wondered how my relationship as leader would be effected. Did this mean that we were in a relationship? I had never had one of those before, not even when I was in school.

I didn't even know who this was. I didn't even remember anything from last night after that first drink. Had I had more? I must've, if I had sex with someone. As Cam had said about three years before, I was the kind of guy that got drunk off one beer. And Quatonian alcohol was stronger and natural.

I froze, close enough to him that if I took out deep breath, my nostrils would fill with his scent, and when I exhaled, my breath would caress that naked skin on his hip. But what made me freeze that the bright white bandage that peeked out from his ribs. My eyes darted across his body._ No._ The silver chain around his neck. The skin coloured wrap around his ankle.

I scrambled backward, gasping. This wasn't a Quatonian, it was Cam! He moaned and shifted on my bed, turning his face towards me. I held my breath, to freaked to move. What would happen if he opened his eyes? Would he be angry? I wondered. Or would he never want to see me again, 'gate home? Would he be disgusted with himself because it was _me_ that he slept with? Someone who wasn't even properly human?

I felt something sharp and jagged pierce my heart harshly, so much so that it caused me to gasp. The next thing I knew, before I could stop it, tears burned down my cheeks. Why did this have to happen? I demanded. Everything had been fine. I had been happy again. So why?!

I tried to control it, to stop it, to not cry out loud but silently if I had to. I couldn't understand why the world would do this to me. How it could find such fun by giving me happiness and then take it away again, watching as another crack appeared in my heart. It was some sick, sick joke. I needed to get out of here. If I wasn't here when Cam woke up, then maybe he wouldn't remember what happened last night, same as me.

Finally having a plan, I shoved the sob back down my throat and got my feet under me. Quickly, quietly, I slipped on a pair of underwear and threw on my robe, tying it around my waist. I swiped away the tears. I tip-toed around him and made it to the door, praying that the old hinges didn't make a sound as I pulled it open. They didn't. Cam groaned behind me and moved, I knew he was waking up as he rolled over onto his back. I had to hurry. I turned grasping the handle and started to pull it shut when the hinges creaked up.

"Nick?" Cam voiced in confusion.

I looked up at him with widened eyes. He was sitting, confused, but aware enough to jerk a cushion into his lap, covering himself.

"You're up!" I cleared my throat. Act natural, I told myself. Pretend you were coming in, not going out. I pushed the door back open. _Please don't remember,_ I begged.

"Uh..." He scrubbed a hand through his hair, looking around my room. "This isn't my room, is it?" he noted.

"No." I shook my head, biting my bottom lip, my mind scrambling to make up a lie. "You drank quite a bit last night at the _Itre_, and I brought you back here to keep an eye on you. Quatonian alcohol is pretty potent," I let a out a silent breath when he seemed to accept this explanation. _Good._ Hopefully he wouldn't remember what happened. I skewered the room and found his scattered clothes, I gathered them up and handed them to him, making sure to avert my gaze. "Here."

"Thanks,"

I stepped away and turned my back to him as he got to his feet and slipped them on.

"I must've had quite a bit, I usually handle alcohol better." He rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed. "I can't believe that I stripped."

I crossed my arms over my chest loosely, trying to be casual about it. "Well, it could have been the mix of you medicine and the alcohol together." I shrugged, my fingers tightening around my arm; a subtle clue that what I was feeling was anything but casual.

Cam seemed to look at me for a long moment, before he gave a small shake of his head. It seemed to be a bad move on his part as he closed his eyes for a second to steady himself.

"You okay?" I asked in concern, taking a step forward before I could stop myself. I quickly pulled back before he could notice.

He opened and shot me a crooked smile as he ran his fingers through his brown, mussed hair. "I should probably get back to my room, Kenjin'll want to check on my blast wound." he said. "Thanks for putting up with me, Nick." He gave my shoulder a friendly pat as he past me and left the room.

I forced back the shiver that went through me at the touch. The second that Cam was gone from sight, I sunk to the floor with my head in my hands.

_God, what was wrong with me?_

y


	7. Chapter 6

**a/n: Warning! Some intense sexual course in this chapter.**

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**_**  
**_**CH6 **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I was going insane! And I was the only one who seemed to be aware of it. I had no idea what was happening to me, but I was sure that I was losing my mind. It didn't make any sense. I was sure that Cam didn't remember that night, same as me. And that he didn't know that we had sex like I did, seeing as I woke up first.

So there shouldn't be a problem, but there was. Definitely. I knew that in the long run that I would pay for keeping this secret from Cam, but in seemed that it was the only thing I had control of these days. I knew it was wrong not to tell him that we were intimate, though I had never been in a situation such as this, I was sure that it was costume that both parties be aware. So, why didn't I say anything? Oh, yeah. Because I didn't want our friendship to suffer from the blow.

So, anyway, the whole me going insane thing... So, unintentionally I seemed to be trying to avoid Cam, but subconsciously I seemed to be finding him around every corner. Every touch sent a shiver through me. At the sound of his voice my ears perked to catch every syllable. I was aware of every breath, every single movement I moved with him. I tried to stop. I swear I did, but it seemed to be out of my control.

When I was alone, it seemed that Cam was the first thing on my mind. And it took some effort to push him out. I gave a heavy sigh as I looked up at the passing clouds. I needed to get away for a minute, just to think. So I slunk off into the trees. I found a comfortable spot to settle down and was staring through a space in the foliage above.

I thought back on the night...

I had made my speech and all my the announcements, then the celebration. Cam stuck with me because he didn't really know anyone else. I socialized with everyone, and therefore, so did Cam. And somewhere in between a drink came to be in my hand. If it had been any other time, I would have refused it, but it had been a special occasion. I finished that first drink, and then it was replaced with another.

I remember laughing with Cam, us hanging off of each other, not able to get enough of a joke I would never remember. Another sip... and it all goes dark-a blackened haze.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight, my clenched fist hitting the center of my forehead. "Think," I ordered myself. "Think!"

The celebration was ending. People were stumbling happily back to their homes on the trail. Cam and myself among them. A shared kiss.

Heat flushed my cheeks as my eyes snapped open. A kiss that I initiated!? I was shocked to say the least. Why would I do something like that? I must've been out of my mind even before this. I gave my head a shake. It didn't matter, I needed to remember the rest. I closed my eyes again. Now that I was actually allowing myself all of my concentration, it was coming alone without much of a fight. I guess that my time with the _Piritsalistu _had helped harden the building blocks of my mind.

A kiss... Hesitation. Then, lips crashing together in desperation. Bursting through the bedroom door. Clothes being pulled over head. Then touch down.

I gasped, my spine totally straight. Now, I was more than just flushed. I glanced around to make sure that I was alone. I was sure that I was, but I was surrounded by trees, and you never know. I had told Lissa that she was dismissed. In the beginning she had been around nearly twenty-four seven because we weren't sure if there were still any Joshua-followers around, but it had been quiet for a year now.

I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, but it didn't seem to be working. My penis was hard, and it was going to stay that way until I did something personal about it. But here, out in the woods? That was a crazy idea. But the longer I waited the more that it throbbed, the more that it begged to be touched, and touched roughly. I ground my teeth and gave my surroundings one last look to make sure that I was clear. And I hoped that it was true.

I lifted up my hips and pulled down my pants and underwear to my knees. I gasped as my cock was let free from the confines of my pants, and the open air gave it a kiss in greeting. I didn't fuss about and got right to, I grabbed the base and started to stroke myself. My eyes closed and my head went back and found myself imagining that it was Cam's hand around my penis and not my own. It really turned me on. I tried to stop it, but couldn't seem to. I tried to be quiet, but found that I had to express my pleasure. I bit down on my sleeve to muffle the sound of my pleasure. I orgasmed so harshly that my body jerked with it and I screamed out Cam's name.

I lay back against the tree, gasping as I came down from my climax, the tingling slowing ebbing from my body. That had been so intense; I had never felt that way during masturbation before. Odd. When my muscles stopped trembling, I pulled my pants back up to my hips. My cum spattered the leaves in front of me, and brushed loose earth overtop it.

After a few more minutes of recovery, I gathered myself up and made my way back to town. I hope that I didn't look guilty, that my hand hadn't turned red from being in the cookie jar. I prayed that I could make it back to my room without being stopped. But that wasn't possible, because by some cruel fate, I walked into Cam.

I wanted to curse, but instead, something else entirely happened. At his touch, a zap went through me, and a gasp tore from my throat-it was like I had reached climax all over again. My cheeks flushed deeply.

"You okay?" he asked, a hand on my shoulder.

I was dying under his touch, and it took everything I had not to tear away and instead I wanted Cam to touch me other places. "Mm-hmm." I nodded, my lips tight.

He looked at me curiously as he took his hand back, and some of the tingling left my blood. He glanced over my shoulder into the trees before he looked back at me. "What were you doing in there?"

I cleared my throat, trying to gather myself. I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. "Just a breather." I told him. "Sometimes it just gets to me, you know, a bunch of people relying on me for things I've never done in my life." It was actually the truth, just not in this specific instance.

He nodded, he could get that. "Well, uh, I gotta go." he threw a thumb over his shoulder. "Laren invited me to dinner."

I nodded. "See ya later, then."

He flashed me a smile before he turned and limped slight away from me.

Loneliness instantly hit me. And so did a flash of jealously. Why would he rather eat dinner with Laren than with me? She was a beautiful woman and I... I was nothing! I put my hands over my face and squatted, taking several deep breaths. What was wrong with me?! Why was I jealous of Laren? It didn't make any sense, and neither did this yearning that I was feeling for Cam.

I needed help!

y


	8. Chapter 7

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**  
**CH7 **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The only person that I could think to talk to, who would know what was happening to me, was Grey. He wasn't just a midwife, he was the chief in the Quatonian medical field so he knew about everything about our physical and mental health-about any animal that any Quatonian had ever transformed into. He would know what was happening to me, and he would keep it quiet too.

"My King, come in." Grey ushered me into his home office to the couch, and I realized that it was too late for me to turn back now.

I sat. "Sorry to come unannounced." I apologized.

He shook his head, and waved the apology away. "There's no need for that, you're always welcome here, my King."

I bit the inside of my cheek. "I'm afraid that this is a personal visit, Grey."

He looked at me for a moment, finally seeming to look for any physical trauma.

"I'm not hurt or anything." I quickly assured him.

"Alright," He nodded, taking a seat himself. "So, why are you here, sire?"

"Um... I've been having these, these feelings." I rubbed the back of my neck; how could I even begin to explain this?

Grey seemed to sense the trouble that I was having. "When did these feelings first start?" he asked gently.

I wasn't really good with this, though it seemed to have happened a lot in the last year, confessing my feelings. So this should be a breeze, right? _Just blurt it_, I told myself. I licked my lips and swallowed. "The night of after the _Itre_, I was intimate with someone." I started off slowly, he stayed silent as I worked through my explanation. I wondered it I should tell him that it was Cam and not another Quatonian, but I decided that it didn't make a difference. "I seemed to have drunken quite a bit that night and when I woke up in the morning next to him, I had no recollection of the what happened between the two of us." I accidentally let slip the gender against my better judgement, but Grey didn't seem affected by this.

"So you and this person discussed it?" Grey asked.

I twiddled my thumbs and avoided his gaze. "Not quite..." I glanced up at him and he was looking at me with a raised brow. "I panicked. I'd never had sex before and didn't know what to do. I didn't want our relationship to be ruined because of it, so before he woke up, I pretended to leave and come back, and when he woke up, I lied to him. I said that he was pretty drunk last light and I brought him back so that I could keep an eye on him."

I had felt so much guilt over this for the past week, that I felt even more of it when talking about it started to make me feel better. I was such a freak. Doing this, lying to him- it made me as bad a Joshua!

But no disgust showed on Grey's face as he watched me and nodded. "That's why you didn't tell him?" I nodded. "You feel bad about it?" I nodded. He clasped his hands in front of him. "Don't you think that this man deserves to know what happened?"

I nodded, but then I shook my head. I knew that it was selfish of me to keep something this big from Cam, but I felt like I had no other choice! And I said so to Grey. "He'll hate me! He'll want to leave, and he won't come back! He won't even talk to me again! I wouldn't be able to take that, Grey." Without realizing it, I stood up and started to pace the length of the room in front of the midwife. "I try to act natural around him, but it's hard. Every time he speaks, it's like I'm listening to the voice of an Angel. When he touches me, I don't want him to stop. When he leaves, it's like my world has ended."

Long after I stopped talking, my feet kept moving underneath me. I was such a nervous wreck that I couldn't stand the silence anymore. I stopped, and spun around to him. "Well, what's wrong with me?!" I demanded, very un-king-like.

He looked up at me very calmly, and said, "You have mated with this man, my King."

I stared down at him dumbly, his words just going in one ear and out the next, and nothing stayed in-between. "Huh?"

Grey gave me a soft smile as he stood up and came over to me, I watched him. He clapped me on either of my shoulders and looked me in the eye. "The feelings that you have just described to me about this man, that's all the first signs of being mated."

Nope. It just didn't seem to be clicking in my brain, it wasn't making the connection. And the doctor seemed to realize it, too. Gently, he pushed me back down onto the couch and as he crouched down in front of me, I looked at him like an idiot.

"I know that this must come as a shock to you, my King-_Nick_. But sometimes that's just how it happens, out of nowhere. You never believe that you're going to find this kind of love, the kind that lasts forever and is unbreakable. But it's right there, it's in your grasp, you're holding it in your hands right now. It comes out of nowhere, I know, but life is like that sometimes. You just meet the right person, and poof, you feel what it is to be really whole."

It was slow, but as I looked into his eyes, my brain slowly started up again. And it processed what he was saying. But right now, I couldn't be happy about any of what he was saying. Because I just wanted to know how. How was this even possible?

"How?" I asked him. "He's not even Quatonian." And there it is, in my shock I had let slip the true identity of the man.

Grey looked confused for a second before a light bulb went off. "The man from Earth. Colonel... Mitchell?" At my widened eyes he got his answer. "Well, as long as I've been here, I've seen our kind mate with a non-Quatonian before once." I looked at him almost hopeful. "Yes, your father's brother-your uncle-mated with a woman that was from another world. She came here as a prisoner of the Goa'uld when we freed her. Your uncle nursed her back to health, they fell in love and were mated."

I found that I was smiling a little. Always happy to get a little piece of my family history as well for the possible future. But I was getting ahead of myself and the smile fell from my lips. Was I even entertaining the idea of Cam and myself together? I couldn't believe it because I was. Every time I thought about it, a smile seemed to find its way to my lips. Maybe I seemed to like the idea, but Cam wouldn't.

"That may be the case, but that doesn't matter. Cam wouldn't feel the same." I told Grey with conviction.

Grey sighed and shook his head and he stood up and looked down at me. "How do you know?" he asked. "You can't make that decision for Colonel Mitchell."

I stood up too. "I can because I know him."

Grey didn't seemed to agree with my point of view. "How can you know what choice he'll make if you won't even let him know the truth? He has a right to know, and you know that."

"But-" I tried to protest, but without much strength.

Grey shook his head. "It's just the fear of rejection that's talking right now, Nick. I know that it's scary, but it's a leap that you're going to have to make blindly." he gave me an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

I nodded dejectedly; he was right and I knew it-Cam needed to know the truth, whether it ruined our friendship forever or not.

y


	9. Chapter 8

**NOTE: **/blah blah blah/ =_SPEAKING IN TIGER FORM._

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**  
**CH8 **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I left Grey's in a walking depression, just knowing the heartache that my future was going to know. I couldn't think straight, not with my brain fighting with my heart like it was. I needed to tell Cam the truth, I had that straight in my head. But when? Now? Later? What? I needed a breather, was all. Sort through my thoughts, get everything straightened out and then I could make plans. With the way I was now, I knew that it would be a bad thing if I was confronted by Cam, or anyone else for that matter. Now was not the time for me to be confronted with a big decision.

So, I cut through the forest to avoid the people in town. It had been beginning to darken when I went to Grey's, and now the sky was dark. Despite that fact, with my feline-eyes, it was like I was walking in broad daylight.

After I had found out the hard way that I wasn't human, and made the decision that I would be abstinent and not be intimate with another-I just figured that it would never happen. And an example of what never would happen, would be me getting drunk and sleeping with a friend. It had never occurred to me that something like this would happen-but then again, neither did my being an alien.

I groaned in angst.

When I was a kid, I knew that I was different-a freak. I was treated that way, so I never thought different of myself. Because I _was_ different, I just didn't know it then. I didn't have the same feelings that other boy's and girl's had in their teenage years. I could recognize others' physical attractiveness, but no one seemed to realize mine. I'd never been asked out, or asked out another because no one ever contradicted my "freak" label. So I had never been touched intimately before by another, only Joshua, and that was all I ever knew.

I never bothered me before, though; I didn't need to be touched by another. I didn't need it to survive. And of course that kind of love never occurred to me either, because I had found familial-love within SG-1-and that was enough for me.

But, lately... lately, things had been different. Ever since I had come to live on Quatonia, I had been separated from my 'family'. I'd been alone, cut off. And even though I was surrounded by people, I was feeling that dark loneliness creeping on me. And then suddenly-Cam Mitchell. Part of my old family, standing there in front of me. And it was like my silent prayers had been answered. And it hadn't been intimacy that I was looking for, I was sure, it was just that innocent connection stuff.

And now all that was gone. Because of me. Because I was a **freak**! And I fucked everything up, always. Just like one of my foster-brother's always told me. What I had with Mitchell had been good, our friendship had grown further than I had ever expected it to. But, now, there'd been nothing left but hatred and disgust that he would feel toward me.

I stopped. My face hot and wet as I hugged myself in my own pity.

I had already had too much going for me: no more stuck-in-between, no longer being stuck at the SGC, being able to stay here on this planet, no longer being considered different, being liked by the people here, and learning about myself and my true family.

Everything had been going too well for me. It was just a matter of time. I should've looked the gift-horse in the mouth, and now the other shoe was dropping.

I didn't care where I was, what was the point of going on when everything I cared for was crashing down around me? I dropped to my knees on the ground, surrounded by darkness and loneliness. A dark, familiar feeling from back in the olden-days. It had always been there, I knew it. Hiding in my shadow as I skipped in happiness, just waiting for the prize moment. _This_ moment.

Against my control, my face turned upward to the tree-tops. I stared into the darkness that had come and was yet to come, with my human eyes. I took a deep breath and gave a wail of mourning to the happiness I had known.

It was held for so long, and it took everything out of me. I was breathless, gasping, shaking. I let myself fall down on my side, and stayed there in the dirt. My grieving over with, I was numb. I didn't care. Why should I? What was the point? All happiness had to come to an end, right? And here was my ending.

I was destined to be alone, angry, and self-animosity; because it was my fault, I knew; I deserved this for whatever reason; I brought it upon myself by just _being_.

I'd get up soon, and go find Cam, and tell him what happened. And he'd look at me in disgust and leave. And when he was back at the SGC, he'd tell everyone what a Freak and Monster I was; that I deserved to be hanged or cast aside, and I'd take it all because it was what I deserved. I wouldn't do anything. And the Quatonians' would suffer along with me, even though they weren't a part of this, only because it was against their will that I was grouped up with them-that I was the same species-that maybe they really were better off with Joshua in the first place.

There it was, my not-so-distant future.

"_Ni~ck!"_

The darkness was calling to me, with such a sweet voice. A concerned voice. A compelling voice. A voice that actually wanted me there with it. The tear-tracks down my cheeks had dried, but I felt fresh ones start.

"_Nick!"_

That voice did something to me. It caused my ears to perk and flicker. It wasn't the darkness at all. My eyes widened and I sat up straight. It was Cam! I could hear him calling to me, hear him tromping through the woods, getting nearer and nearer. Everything in my body called to him, _sang_ as he grew nearer.

I gasped out as I cut it out harshly, tore it apart. I couldn't do this, I couldn't confront him with this now, not with that darkness perched on my shoulder! I jumped to my feet, panicked as I listened to where his voice was coming from, and I turned in the opposite direction. I ran as fast as I could. I felt the tug and the pull. And I let it stretch. I transformed mid-step; not faltering as my clothes tore-away cleanly in my wake; not as my eye-level dropped; or my whole body structure changed.

My strides grew longer, my body long and lean, pure muscle rippling under orange and black fur. I ran, like the coward I was. I ran straight into the person that I was supposed to be running from. The woods had deceived me.

It was like I slammed my face into a rock wall and my body kept coming after me even after my face stopped moving. Cam crumpled underneath me with an exclamation. Groaning in pain as two-hundred-and-some pound tiger lay on top of him.

I scrambled of him quick, but not too quick as to cause him more injury. I was freaked out, afraid that I'd killed him even though I could hear him moaning. The thoughts of telling him about the two of us that night flew out of my head, right now my only concern was knowing whether he was alright or not.

I pawed over him anxiously. /_Oh, my God, Cam! Are you okay? I can't believe that I didn't see you, if I had I woulda' stopped!/_

Cam groaned again and turned his head towards me, squinted through the darkness. "I would hope so." he said.

I let out a breath of relief, sarcasm was good. /_Are you okay?_/ I repeated.

"Fine. What are a few more bruises, right?"

I frowned. /_Could you stop joking around for just a minute?!/_

He sighed. "I'm okay, Nick. Seriously," he promised.

I nodded in more relief. /_Can you sit up?_/

"Just... give me second, okay? It feels like I was ploughed down by a train." he said, then paused. "Wait. How is that even possible!" I watched as his hand farthest from me grasped emptily at the ground until it found the thing that it was searching for-a flashlight that I hadn't even noticed. He picked it up and turned it on, pointing the beam in my direction. And I got a reaction that I never expected. Surprise and shock flashed across his face, "Whoa!" he shouted. And scrambled back away from me on the ground, until his back hit a tree's trunk and he was forced to stop.

I looked at him in hurt-confusion. /_What_-?/ I started and made to step towards him, but his open palm warded me off. /_Cam?/_

"Just-give me a sec, okay?" he said, and finally put his hand down, but he still looked at me with widened eyes. "I've never seen you really like this before," he explained, and I didn't understand for a second before it clicked in place-I was still transformed!

The implications of this fact were just too profound.

y


	10. Chapter 9

**NOTE: **/blah blah blah/ =_SPEAKING IN TIGER FORM._

**NON PALPABLE MATE:**  
**CH9 **~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

/_You can_/-I started to demanded in my shock, before I stopped and transformed back into my human form mid-sentence-"understand me?!" I finished, careful to make sure that I covered myself.

Cam looked at me with furrowed brows, at this moment unable to quite comprehend what he just saw. He gave his head a little shake, and his brows raised instead of going level. "Of course I can hear you!" he said in a tone that said that was a stupid question.

For all I knew in this moment, maybe it was. "Yeah. But humans can't understand us when we're in our animal form!" I protested for an unknown reason.

"Well, clearly that fact's wrong." Cam stated.

"_Clearly,_" I muttered to myself, bowing my head in thought. How was this possible? Jack couldn't understand me, neither could Daniel, so how could Cam? And then it clicked, clicked so harshly that my head jerked back up and I looked at Cam with widened eyes. Grey said that we were mated, that must be why he could understand me when the others couldn't.

"What?" Cam asked, realizing that something must have occurred to me, something that my heart dreaded to tell him. "What is it?"

I bit my lip and bowed my head, hiding my pained expression from his blue gaze. I squeezed my own eyes shut tight. Now was the time to tell him, here was an opening. No matter that all my nerves were against it, he deserved to know. He deserved to make the choice himself. I sighed, almost whimpered. "There's something that I need to tell you, Cam-something that I've been meaning to tell you for a while now." I looked up at him, pain shinning through my eyes.

He looked back at me, taking in that pain. He leaned forward in concern for me and it broke my heart. "You're not dying, are you?!" he demanded.

I scoffed, that idea was so absurd! _If only, _I whispered to myself. I shook my head. "No. That's not it at all."

Cam let out a breath of relief at the news, and leaned back against the tree behind him. "You had me going there for a sec, Nick." he chuckled.

I smiled softly at him for a moment, before it left my lips limp. I couldn't seem to do it, the will for it had never been in me in the first place. I bowed my head once more.

"Nick?" Cam asked, and the concern in his voice was as clear as day. "Talk to me." he shuffled from the tree and closer to me, either not noticing or caring about the fact that I was naked. He reached out a hand to me, and I let him touch my shoulder against my better judgement. Cam's touch was so much more powerful than Jack's, more potent, it struck me to my core instantly. And I had to look up at him, I had to see his face one last time full of kindness. "If you don't, than I'm going to keep on the belief that you're dying." he told me simply.

"I lied to you!" I blurted. The guilt inside of me was to great, my shame to much to stay inside any longer. It cut me deep when he took his hand back.

"What?"

I swallowed, and looked at him. There was no taking it back now. "The morning after the _Itre, _I lied to you_._ You weren't in my room because you were drunk and I wanted to keep an eye on you. You were in my room because... because, well," I stole myself, "we had sex that night." I held my breath, afraid to look away and afraid to keep looking.

Cam looked back at me with glazed eyes, his nostrils flaring as he breathed deeply. For a long while he didn't say anything, and then he suddenly shook his head, and when he looked at me again it was with clear eyes. The emotions on his face were muted, deeply controlled. I held my breath as I waited for what I knew was to come.

"Nick!" he actually chuckled.

I looked at him confused; maybe he hadn't heard me right the first time. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I say it against, or leave it as just a weird misunderstanding. I knew that it had to be the former, I would be even more of a Monster if I did the latter. I opened my mouth, but he shook his head again, and stopped chuckling, saying my name.

He groaned, then, and scrubbed his face with his hands. "I wasn't sure when the time would come." he muttered to himself. "I guess it's now."

Now I was the one to look lost.

He looked at me. "I know." he said.

"Uhh..." I was confused, "What do you 'know'?"

He looked at me as if it was supposed to be obvious, and I'm sure that any other time it would be, but not tonight, not now. He was going to have to say it, and I could tell that he hated that fact.

He groaned again, but this time not in pain, and instead frustration and maybe embarrassment. He scrubbed a hand through his short, light brown hair-maybe a similar colour to what Jack's would have been when he was younger. "I realized what had really happened not long after I left your room, maybe I should have realized it sooner. I don't think that I ever stripped when I was drunk before," it sounded like he said that last part to himself.

But I still looked at him, my lips parted in my shocked state. He'd know as long as I had, I found this fact very interesting-so much so that it helped me get over the shock of it all. "And you're still here?" I asked in amazement.

Cam looked at me in bewilderment, as if the question was a stupid one; to me, it wasn't. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I looked from his blue eyes at that, now I was embarrassed. "Because I'm disgusting," I whispered.

Cam had leaned forward to hear, but then he sat back in shock. "Who in the hell put that idea in your head?!" he growled.

I looked up at him with widened eyes. "People can't put in your head what you already know."

His eyes burned as he looked at me, and I could tell that he was pissed-what amazed me was the fact that I knew that it wasn't directed towards me, but all my life's tormentors. My heart lightened and beat faster at the gesture.

"So, you aren't grossed-out by what happened?" I had to asked.

"Are you kidding!" he scoffed. "I may be a military man, Nick, but I'm no prude. I'm all for same-sex romance, even though I don't partake in the motion myself."

"But you did with me." I reminded him, my voice hoarse.

"Right." he nodded. "Well, that doesn't seemed to have messed with my head that much. I'm wasn't against it. What about you?"

"I was a virgin." I gasped.

Cam's brows shot up his forehead. "You mean, a virgin sleeping with another guy, right?"

My lips tightened and I shook me head. "I'd never had sex before I found out that I was Quatonian, and afterward, I swore to myself that I would never sleep with anyone, human or otherwise."

"Nick..." Cam huffed, looking at me. "You can't swear off nature at its core."

I scoffed. "I guess you're right, seeing as this happened."

"Is this not going to work any more, our friendship?" he asked suddenly, flicking a finger between us.

"I don't want it to, but even that is out of our control."

"What-wait! Earlier you said something about why I can understand you in your tiger form."

This, now, I dreaded more than telling Cam that we had sex. Before, it was just a drunken mistake. But, this, this, was nowhere in our realm. I took a deep breath. "I spoke with Grey, and he said that we're mated."

"I'm sorry, we're **what**?!" he demanded.

I couldn't help the wince. "_Mated."_

_"Mated?_ As in _Soul Mates?_"

I nodded with glued lips.

"Well... what the hell does _that _mean?!"

I shrugged.

"A shrug? That's all you got?!"

I nodded.

He scoffed at me in derision. "Very helpful, King."

"Well, what am I supposed to do about it!" I finally broke my silence in protest;_ how come I had to have all the answers? Of course! He just said it, didn't he? KING! Some times I hated that title._

"Sorry," Cam's shoulders slumped and he took in a deep breath and let it out. "But how is this even possible? We're not even the same species?"

I felt the hurt of him pointing it out that we weren't the same, but I couldn't hold it against him when I'd done the same thing. "I asked the same thing of Grey, and it's actually not that unheard of."

"Really?"

I nodded. "My Uncle had mated with a human girl back when."

"Well, that doesn't change the fact of _what does this mean?"_

"It doesn't have to mean anything," I told him, despite that I wanted it to mean _everything_. "You said us sleeping together didn't change anything, so why does this?"

He was quiet for a long while as he seemed to think about it. I kept my gaze trained at the center of his brows even as I felt his piercing through the dark gloom and burn along my flesh as I felt his eyes roam my naked skin. I held back that shudder of breath that wanted to escape me, and held perfectly still. And, then, when I was very near my breaking point in wanting to jump him, he looked back into my eyes.

"I think it does mean _something_," he corrected me, his voice low. "Everyplace I intended to go, I'd always end up finding you instead. I thought it was weird, that I was going crazy, like every corner I turned, you were there. Like I was drawn towards you by some unforeseen force. One that I even tried to escape, by saying yes to a dinner proposal from Laren. Every time I was with you, I couldn't help but reach out and touch you, it was like I would die if I didn't." he confessed.

I chuckled in relief. "I thought it was only me," I confessed back. "And when you told me about your dinner plans with Laren, I couldn't help but feel jealous that she was the attention of your affection."

He looked back at me. "I _does _change everything, I don't think that this is something that can just be ignored." he inched towards me. "God, you're so close to me, and it's killing me not to reach out and touch you." he whispered.

My eyes danced across his face to his lips before going back to his eyes. "So, then, do it." I whispered back. It was killing me as much as it was him.

y


End file.
